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Foiled Again! The Attack Of The Citizen Killers

Thanks to British intelligence, with a little help from a wise and noble Muslim informer, another attack by Al-Qaeda has been foiled. And just in the turban of time. As you know, the suspects had recently received a coded message from Pakistan, where the authorities were closing in on the criminal minds, to "attack now."

If our success rate at foiling Al-Qaeda’s demonic plots continues, this mad band of citizen killers may have to rename themselves Alibi.

Yet our preparedness on the home front is not as thorough as we would hope. Although The Department Of Homeland Security has hardened cockpit doors and screens for guns and knives, experts say it has accomplished little against plastic and liquid explosives, along with bombs in air cargo and shoulder-fired missiles.

Some maintain that the nation is still at risk from the same “failure of imagination” cited by the 9/11 commission. “They are reactive, not proactive,” stated Randall J. Larsen, a retired colonel in the Air Force who is the chairman of the military strategy department at the National War College in Washington.

For Pakistan, helping to thwart the plan is problematic. While General Pervez Musharaff can show off his country’s role as a key ally in the war on terror, the fact that the plan was apparently initiated there confirms that Pakistan is still operations central for terrorists.

The plot was "intended to be mass murder on an unimaginable scale," Metropolitan Police Deputy Commissioner Paul Stephenson said in London – and was evidently the sicko group’s way to celebrate the upcoming 5th mournful year since 9/11.

The chemical compost to achieve the disaster involved normally non-hazmat liquids that, when combined, could be detonated with an electrical charge even from an MP3 player or a cell phone. (Too bad Floyd Landis didn’t know of the explosive possibilities of these ingredients, because he could have figured out a new and unsuspected additive to help him rocket to the lead in the Tour De France.)

What are we to make of the madmen who would perpetrate such evil schemes? If solders in the traditional sense might wear the red badge of courage, these guys ought to pin on the yellow badge of cowardice.

And, worse yet, the dupes think they’re off to a heavenly reward for the assaults. (Don’t miss our Spoof Of The Week, “Al-Qaeda In Hell, Or Allah's Surprising Ingratitude, ” in which they get an unexpectedly heated reward.)

And imagine! Fifty or so of the killer loons were involved in the hard-boiled plot. And, by the way, congratulations, women! So far we haven’t heard of a female among them.

President Bush leaped to the mikes to make political hay, saying the arrests are a "stark reminder" that the U.S. is "at war with Islamic fascists." We’re sure the appellation “Islamic fascists” won high praise in minarets around the world.

US Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff noted with his usual insight that the plan was "suggestive of an al Qaeda plot." He then vowed to handle the tense development as effectively as he did the Katrina debacle.

Would-be air travelers, in a willing, if trying, effort not to be blown up, have dealt with the resultant inconveniences attendant to safe flight with general equanimity. They have faced such distressing announcements as, "Due to the nature of the threat revealed by this investigation, we are prohibiting any liquids, including beverages, hair gels, and lotions from being carried on the airplane."

Since two of the plotters flew to Pakistan to pick up a check to fund the disaster, we suspect even more credibly that Osama Bin Laden is hiding out somewhere in the relatively civilized environs of Karachi, where he can get the medical care he apparently needs for his failing kidneys and other ailments.

We surely could use an informer to let us know where the mad, mad mogul is.

But there is one thing we don’t need an informer to tell us. Among his sequestered holdings, Bin Laden obviously doesn’t count airline stock.

Submitted by:

Tom Attea

Tom Attea, humorist and creator of NewsLaugh.com, has had six shows produced Off-Broadway. Critics have called his writing "delightfully funny," "witty," with "great humor and ebullience" and "good, genuine laughs."





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