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OTHER ITA SITES:
The Forrest Gump of Food
Let me paint an honest picture for yaíll this week. As I write this, itís 3:23 am in the morning. Iím sitting here typing in one of my Nu-Way t-shirts and some plain white drawers. Thereís no light on in the house other than the light emanating from my computer. Everyone else is sound asleep, and will be for another two to three hours. Everyone, that is, except me.
IĎm sure some of yaíll are wondering, ďEd, why are you up at this time of the night?Ē And the answer is very simple - Iím an idiot. A pure-T, grade A idiot. Iím so stupid that I make the guy that runs North Korea look like Einstein. Or better yet, Einstein and da Vinci put together.
The reason why Iím writing a column at 3:34 am in the morning? Itís really quite simple. I was over in Jones County earlier this evening speaking to a group. The meeting started at 7 pm, and since I had worked out at the Wellness Center beforehand, I really wasnít very hungry during the meeting. Consequently, I didnít eat much while I was there.
As fate would have it, when the meeting ended, around 8:30 pm or so, I started noticing that I was getting hungry. As a result, I said my goodbyes, got in the car, and started driving back to Macon. And in the ten minutes or so that it took me to get there, I decided I wanted some Mexican food.
Mexican food. At nine pm at night. I love Mexican food, but Iím wondering what sort of stupidity demon lodged itself into my brain. Whatever it was, it caused me to pull into a Mexican restaurant and consume the following:
One small guacamole salad.
I know what yaíll are thinking. But the bad part is, it gets even worse. For some reason, I was still hungry after eating such a large dinner. Therefore, I decided that a good, old fashioned banana split would be just the thing to top things off. I proceeded to cruise on over to the nearest Dairy Queen, where I ordered and inhaled a banana split. I mean it, I socked it down in less than five minutes. After that, I went home, my belly full and a tad proud of myself, like Iíd snuck one over on Deb or something. I then took a quick shower, got into bed, and went to sleep. Until now.
Why do I do stuff like this? Iíve basically declared citizenship in the bathroom for the past half hour, and I may never eat another banana split again. My stomach is growling like a small animal is being tortured inside it. Also, for some strange reason, my upper lip is sweating, and it even feels like my hair is hurting. Iíve mentally cussed myself for the past hour or so, and I still feel rotten. Please excuse me...
...Iím back - just reacquainted myself with the bathroom again. Sometimes, the most rotten experiences can lead you to the most profound revelations, and Iíve learned the following from this one:
And there you have it - some self-induced angst, and some new found revelations. I guess Iíll try and go back to sleep. Itís four fifteen am, and I may be slowly rejoining the world of the living. At least my stomach has calmed down a tad, or IĎm hoping it has. So goodnight, sleep tight, and donít let the hot salsa bite...
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