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In My House, If It's Broken I Bought It

Often a store has a sign with the warning, "You break it, you bought it." This is to keep people from carelessly handling the merchandise.

I'm thinking of another sign, which should be posted all through my house. "If it's broken, I bought it." This is not to say everything in my house is broken, but to point out that everything has a breaking point. And, it's not to say I can't fix anything. I just can't fix anything that is broken.

A case in point; my easy chair.

A man's easy chair, especially mine, is control central of his world. My easy chair is so situated that I can easily access my entire world. Whoever invented the easy chair must have been a genius, at least in my book.

To the left of my easy chair is a small stand with a light. On this stand rest various works in progress. I will admit some are in slow progress, but that's the way I like it. I can reach into this pile, pull out some work and spend a little time on it. Also on this stand is a well-stocked container of pens and pencils.

Someone in our house, and I will not mention any names, has suggested getting rid of this pile. There are times, and this is one of them, I do not pay attention to certain suggestions.

To the right of my easy chair are various items. I have the telephone, the remote control and a variety of reference books, all within easy reach.

At the foot of my easy chair leans a small notebook computer.

As you can see, my easy chair pulls my world together in a harmony of delightful reach-ability.

Recently, a situation developed with my easy chair. Last week as I sat in it, working on my computer, catching up with some work projects, I heard a funny sound.

B-O-I-N-G!

I could not place the sound, so I ignored it. It's the manly thing to do. Whenever something happens I don't understand, I resort to the old ignoring routine. Sometimes it's the only thing that really works. Then I heard the sound again.

B-O-I-N-G!

This time the sound was much louder but before I could really do anything about it, I heard the sound for the third time.

B-O-I-N-G!

Suddenly, my easy chair quivered. Then everything collapsed, and as I went free- falling, my whole life passed before my eyes. Fortunately, as it turned out, it was not my life but everything on my stand flipped in the air and came showering down on top of me. Papers, books, the remote control and millions of pens and pencils smothered me in a heap of confusion.

For a brief moment, I did not know what happened, or where I was.

The only redeeming aspect of this incident was the simple fact that the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage was not home at the time. I say "simple fact," but the truth of the matter is it is much more complicated.

My first job was to extricate myself from the mess. Secondly, I had to pick up everything before my wife got home.

As it turned out, that was the easier part of my job. The most difficult, and I admit it, was trying to fix my easy chair. It turned out to be broken in places that completely and absolutely confounded me.

Several months before this my wife insisted I throw out this antiquated easy chair and get a new one. Looking back now I see it was a foolish thing to do n but then I laughed at her and told her in no uncertain terms that this easy chair was in perfect condition. She just looked at me, shook her head and walked away.

With panic as incentive, I gathered up the pieces of what used to be my easy chair and tried to figure how to put it all back together. I went to the garage, got some tools, a roll of wire and several rolls of duct tape. Working at the speed of a husband in trouble I managed to put the chair back in what I thought was good shape.

Sighing a sigh of relief, I carefully tested out the chair. Much to my pleasure and delight, it cradled me as afore. Leaning back in my chair, I could not believe I had pulled one over on my Better Half. Nothing matches an easy chair properly broken in.

Later that evening my wife and I were sitting together watching television. Out of the blue, she brought up the subject of my chair. "Don't you think," she reflected in one of those wifely moods, "you should replace that old chair of yours?"

"Ha!" I said with the confidence of a fox who got away with a plump chicken. "This chair has a few more good years left in it."

Just then I heard a familiar sound.

B-O-I-N-G!

Everything collapsed, and as I went free falling my whole life passed before my eyes. Looking up into the smiling eyes of my wife, she simply said, "My, how time flies."

The whole incident reminded me of a verse in the Bible. "Wherefore let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall. There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it." (1 Corinthians 10:12-13 KJV.)

Submitted by:

Rev. James L. Snyder

Rev. Jams L. Snyder is an award winning author and popular columnist living in Ocala, FL with his wife Martha. Snyder has published nine books.

jamessnyder2@att.net





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