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I was about 12 when I realized I didn*t want to belong to the mainstream. I truly believed that I saw them for what they were: materialistic, self serving, social slaves. Looking back I*m surprised this came to me at such an early age, but whatever, it did, I knew they were wrong. I thought there had to be something better out there, a place where people were just cool, not trying to hard. A place where you could be a free thinker, where we weren*t completely consumed by things, where we didn*t have to try and climb the social ladder or just look out for number one, where we cared about the greater good of humanity and changing the fucked up world we lived in. So I turned to punk rock. I had heard the Circle Jerks *Group Sex* and the Violent Femmes, *Blister in the Sun*, which for a short period became my theme song, telling everyone to just piss off into the air... Anyhow, after making the decision to not be a part of the society of snotty little brats I was being exposed to on a regular basis, I promptly came home from school and shaved my head, cut up my t-shirts, added some combat boots to my wardrobe and wa-la: Instant punk.

Now, what took me quite a bit longer to realize was that the punk scene wasn*t any better, in fact, maybe it was worse! It started out ok I guess but I quickly realized that they were just like the rest of them. For example,I remember going into *Zipperhead* a local punk store, which was an institution on South Street in Philadelphia. I was 13 years old, and yeah maybe I didn*t look as punk as the kids working there, who, mind you, seamed like Gods to me at the time. They were I*m guessing anywhere in age from 16-22. So to me they were the coolest, you know.,whatever, I was young! Anyway, man did they treat me like shit. Their Punk Rock elitism was insane. Like *Oh, you don*t know who Vice Squad is? What's wrong with you?* Well, for fucks sake. I wasn*t born with a Mohawk. Yeah ,they were mean, snobby,& everything I hated in the world and they were my idols.

I went into a state of denial. I just tried harder to be punker than the next guy. As embarrassing as this is to admit I studied punk rock books, learned lyrics, dyed my hair blue, I did whatever it took to be punk. So this went on and on. It seems insane now and I don*t think I ever realized what I was doing, but I guess I was trying to keep up with the Jones ya know? So, now that I*m a lil older I have come to see the err of my ways. Now what I think is Punk Rock is completely different than most and ya know what i think about the scene..i think it sucks, everyone trying to be hipper, more troubled more down trodden than the next guy. The kids in the scene are just as bad as any other group in the world, criticizing each other, shunning one another, all doing the same thing. Have you noticed the roller derby craze that has swept the scene recently?? Everyone's got tons of tattoos, now they are just as trendy as Z Cavaricci's were back in the day. It's frightening really.. So all I can say, in conclusion, is fuck em all. They are no better than you, do what ya want and think what ya want and don*t forget where you came from..find that place, go back to it and never ever leave.