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OTHER ITA SITES:
Evel Knievel-itis Or Mid-life Crisis?
Here he comes, driving down the street, in his new Corvette! Wow! You can hear the whispers in the neighborhood now. It seems like ever since he turned 50 he hasnít been the same.
Do you recognize this scenario? This is what happens when your relatively normal, moderately attractive, slowly balding next door neighbor gets a new shiny toy. It's a mid-life crisis and danger is sure to follow.
There are countless examples of men bruising their minds, bodies and egos after turning 50 years old. My very own father, a sedentary computer programmer, decided he was James Dean at this age. He went out and bought a Harley Davidson motorcycle that was bigger than him.
Thereís a saying that goes like this: "Most accidents happen close to home, so if you want to avoid an accident, the best thing to do is move!Ē I think this was the story of my father's life. He crashed and burned on two separate occasions -once by hitting a deer and another by nearly being hit by a car and spilling over on loose gravel in the road during the avoidance maneuver. Total damages included two broken ribs, a broken clavicle, a bruised ego, and two piles of scrap metal.
A little lower to the ground, and a little younger, my brother at the age of 40, decided he was going to get his old skateboard from 1980 back by having a bidding war on eBay. He bought his 25-year-old G&S Fiber Flex skateboard (which costs $100 in 1980) for $300 in 2005.
He had a method to his madness. Newly married, and a proud owner of two active dogs, my brother thought that he could better walk them if he was on wheels! He would speed down the driveway with the two dogs towing him on his new/old skateboard. All "dogs" participating were having a blast.
Similar to driving, when walking a dog, you always need to watch out for the other guy. One day, I heard my brother dislocated a shoulder and broke his wrist when the cutest little terrier crossed his line to greet his two Labs and crashed him to the ground.
If you are a wife or a mother, prepare yourself for the aching bones of your brand new 50-year-old. When you hear him say, "Hey honey, I think I am going to run the New York Marathon next year" or "Babe, guess what? I just joined the AARP Rugby Team." Or "Sweetie, I think Iím going to WWE Fantasy Camp. I know I can learn the Rock's moves" then itís time to prepare for the worst. Whether heís suffering from Evel Knievel-itis or mid-life crisis, your husband is a bonehead and heís going to hurt his bones, joints, ligaments, and back. But hopefully, he wonít break his neck!
Your husband and his aching body will need your support. So bring out your heating pads, Ace bandages, gauze and TLC. Don't forget to have some Phosoplex. This will help keep his joints lubricated, reduce stiffness, and reduce pain caused by the stress of his new "athletic" activities.
Don't worry, heíll be back. Just pray he wonít be damaged for life, frozen near the top of Mt. Everest or wedged in a rocket at the bottom of the Snake River Canyon.
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